FAQs

If you think your child is suicidal, please call 9-1-1, the suicide hotline in your town (2-1-1 many towns), or visit the emergency room.

If your child does not seem suicidal, but exhibits behaviors that concern you, here are some options:

• Contact your primary care physician for an evaluation or referral
• Contact your local Community Mental Health agency for an evaluation
• Ask a friend for a referral to a therapist or counselor they like
• Attend a parent support group
• Ask your school for an evaluation for special education services
• Ask your school for referrals to independent evaluators they use and respect
• Call your insurance company for referrals and to check on the type of coverage you have
• Call a parent advocate agency (such as the National Federation of Families for Children's Mental Health or the Michigan Association for Children's Mental Health)

It is sometimes difficult to get a good mental health diagnosis. Many times a child will be labeled with multiple diagnoses. Sometimes doctors are reluctant to give a child a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, for example, because they don't want to burden a child with a label that carries stigma.

This is actually counterproductive in some cases, if it means the child does not receive appropriate medical care. As a rule, mental health agencies rarely refer to a child as having a mental illness, and instead refer to children as having a serious emotional disorder (SED), though you may hear other labels, such as oppositional defiant disorder.

Ask Dr. Sears has a website about discipline, which means "to teach". These ideas are time-honored and work well. However, sometimes children with mood, emotional or behavior disorders do not respond to discipline the way other children do! If you find Dr. Sears isn't enough, the Child & Adolescent Bipolar Foundation recommends using "Therapeutic Parenting". The idea is that the parents need to teach and provide healing at the same time as parenting.

Parent Management Training - Oregon Model also teaches a specific way of working with children who have emotional and behavioral disorders. If you live in Michigan, you may qualify for PMTO. Contact your local Community Mental Health agency.

Some families have had very good luck with the Love & Logic parenting classes, or The Explosive Child video and book, which teaches you how to avoid "meltdowns".

Sometimes a child's behavior seems mostly manageable at home, but when faced with the stimulation of noise from other students, multiple people to deal with all day, confusing academic work, the length of time expected to be on task, etc. the child's behavior can deteriorate at school.

The first thing to do is request a meeting with the child's teacher to discuss what is happening. It helps to be strengths-based. Help the teacher see the same child you know and love. Talk about all the good things about the child first. Then describe the areas where you notice your child needs more support. Sometimes a reward system for using the expected behavior is very successful.

Sometimes a child honestly does not know what is expected and needs to be taught. For example, he or she needs to be taught what a good apology looks like. Help the school to see that instead of punishment, the child often needs teaching - the definition of the word "discipline" is to teach.

All schools in Michigan are supposed to start implementing Positive Behavior Supports, which should help children be more successful in schools. If your school isn't implementing PBS yet, ask them when they are going to start.

Be supportive of the teacher in his or her efforts. Many times what you may deem as their "bad" behavior comes because they too do not know what to do. Give them tools. Try not to judge. It is extremely rare that a person chooses the profession of teaching if they do not love children! Be courteous and thank the teacher for their time.

If you think more could be done for your child, or the meeting (or meetings) does not help, consider a more serious plan. This can be a Section 504 plan or an Individualized Education Program (IEP).

The best and most official way to start the process of special education rolling is to write a letter to the school principal requesting an evaluation of your child for special education services. See here for a sample letter. Be sure to keep a copy for your records.

The school then has 10 days to let you know if they will provide the evaluation or not. If they do not, they must have evidence why not.

If the school does agree to evaluate the child, they must do so within 30 school days, and a team will then convene to determine the child's eligibility. Sometimes this is called an IEP Committee (IEPC) or Team (IEPT). If the child qualifies, and IEP will be written. If he does not qualify, the team may consider writing a Section 504 plan.

In essence an IEP includes several parts:
• A statement about present performance (sometimes called a PLAPF)
• Two or three goals with objectives
• Information about where the services will be delivered

At the meeting, the team should work to fill out these sections. This is supposed to be an INDIVIDUALIZED plan, so do not accept a pre-filled document that is written for someone else and then has the name changed to your child's. However, the school psychologist or special education teacher may have filled out the performance statement ahead in order to save time at the meeting.

If you do not understand any of the testing or anything written in the performance statement, ask the school to explain it to you. Don't let them move ahead until you understand, because the results of these tests will be the foundation of the IEP.

The section with the most need for group effort will be the goal statements and objectives. Be sure the goals are something you are interested in. Ask specifically how they will be measured. How will you know he has reached the goal? In the cases of children with emotional impairments, sometimes it is important to make sure the objectives do not all rest on the shoulders of the child, but spell out how the school is going to support him in reaching the goal.

Consider it this way, "The child has a need, and what are we all going to do together to help him get it met?" Make sure all your concerns are addressed, but use your time wisely. Spend the most time and argue the strongest for your highest priorities. Be sure to get everything promised to you written into the IEP.

After discussing other services, the parent will be asked to sign the IEP. You may do so, and the school will want you to do so. You may also take it home and think about it, show it to a friend or advocacy group, etc. You need to return it as soon as possible, however, because the IEP will go into place if you don't sign and return it within 10 days. If you do not agree with the IEP after further review, see if you can reschedule more time, or revisit an issue with the team. If this is not possible, you may want to sign in disagreement, or ask for mediation or due process.

Attorneys Peter and Pam Wright have an excellent website detailing a great variety of specific questions about IEPs, including due process.

Despite everyone's best effort, and a great IEP, sometimes things go awry. Not all teachers seem to read the IEP, or it isn't implemented the way you thought it would be. Sometimes the child still fails to make progress despite the supports offered. You have the right to go back to the table. You do not need to reopen the IEP to meet, however.

Ask the team to meet with you, saying something like, "My son still seems to be having trouble in math. What can we do to support him differently?" For some time, I met monthly with a team at my son's school, identifying trouble areas and potential solutions. Ask if there is a similar team that meets and if you can be on the agenda every month.

If everyone feels like they are on the same team, they are more likely to work together for a common good - your child's welfare. Instead of pitting parent against teacher or child against teacher, try to think in terms of the academic results of the disability - basically, what is the child's need, instead of whose fault it is.

You have the opportunity to go through a mediation process or even due process if you believe the school is in gross violation of the IEP contract.

Sometimes it is helpful to do a Functional Behavior Assessment (FBA) of the child to determine why he or she is acting in a certain way, and then trying to improve the behavior. The rationale is that everyone behaves in order to either get something they want or get away from something they don't want. An example may be that a child does not perform well in reading, so he wants to avoid reading time. His behavior is that he is suddenly "tired" during reading time. If he is allowed to sleep, his behavior is rewarded. He will develop a negative coping skill and eventually fall farther and farther behind. A FBA would identify a few trouble spots and potential reasons for the behavior, potential rewards the child might currently be receiving for doing the behavior, and suggested alternatives.

You can start the process of determining whether your child needs to be hospitalized by contacting his or her mental health care provider, such as psychiatrist, therapist, or caseworker.
• Be sure to tell them briefly but specifically what behaviors your child is doing, especially whether he or she is: hurting him- or herself or others, threatening to do so, delusional or manic.
• Contact your health insurance provider to determine which hospitals are covered. Get as much information about coverage and fees as possible. Be sure to get the staff person's name, and take notes.
• Contact the hospital and tell the intake staff the same behaviors described to your child's mental health care provider. (sometimes the mental health care provider makes this call for you)
• Ask the hospital staff if they have any openings, and if so when to arrive
• If the hospital is out of town, ask the staff if there is an inexpensive place to stay, such as the Ronald McDonald House.
• Ask the staff specifically what to pack and what NOT to pack for the child
• Ask about visiting hours and the staff expectations for you to participate in various family therapies, meetings with doctors and social workers, etc.
• At the appointed time, arrive at the hospital. Bring records of what medications your child is taking or has taken, and how the medications affected your child.

Your child's day at the hospital can vary depending on where the inpatient stay takes place. It may include some type of school work, but it may not. It may include group therapy, individual time with the doctor, recreational therapy, individual therapy, art or music therapy, free time, etc. You may be expected to participate in some activities during the day, such as family therapy or meetings with the doctor. Some hospitals have open visiting hours, and some are quite limited, allowing only 1 phone call home per evening. Typically, doctors will use the inpatient time to alter medications. Sometimes they will remove all previous medications and start over. This can lead to a lengthier stay. Be sure to report all worrisome behaviors you see during the hospitalization to the hospital staff, including side effects.